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Phoenix Down!

Hello. After a long, long period of down time, we're going to jam this place with lines, lines, and corny loltakes. That's right! There'll be more lines than a Soviet bakery, son!

I'm sorry. I needed that out of my system.

Anyway, if you're interested in sending us a recording, feel free. If you want to help us out, drop us a line!


In Which Edward Sounds Like A Rapist.

neutraltwin insisted.

I showed him Midnight Sun, and I have no idea if this really is from the book or not. (I tried to do a search, but it turned up nothing. And dear lord, I ctrl+F'd 'beautiful' in the partial draft of Midnight Sun? Shit, man. 9 times in 264 pages, but still.)

Even if it's not, it's pretty funny.

Ah, wait. He told me he was making shit up. That explains it.

(And fandom is right; Twilight means never having to say you're making it up. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN FROM THE BOOK.)

Anyway, from the man himself:
While perusing the first few chapters of Cleolinda's recap of Midnight Sun - essentially, the biggest copout ever as it is the same thing as Twilight, just from Edward's point of view - I came to an interesting conclusion; even when being lampooned, it's still as deathly boring as ever.

What struck me was that special scene where Edward stops an SUV with his hand. This combined with the apparent INTENSE ANGUISH OH GOD BELLA Edward was feeling under his constant :| face, and...this clip happened. XD

A shitty novel requires shitty acting, after all.

Changing file hosts

The flash player we normally use, Imeem, has recently declared that:
Until we obtain permission from the registered artist or record label to stream a song at full-length to everyone, other users may listen to songs you upload to your profile as 30-second previews.

In other words, they kept recognising hanae0711 and neutraltwin as artistes.

I've already sent a query to the support team, but it's just way too much work. I just want a clean-cut place where I can be stupid on an mp3 file, and they'll upload it and let you guys stream it with an embedded player. Thankfully, we found the place (after much agony).

Conclusion: We've changed to MyBloop. Just a FYI, guys. It should work better but if there are any issues or if you have a better site we could use, please don't hesitate to tell us.

Right now, I can't yet replace the Imeem players because Mongolia uploads twice as fast as I do, but I will, eventually.


Do I DAZZLE you?

Today's clip just... speaks for itself.

"You really shouldn't do that to people," I criticized. "It's hardly fair."

"Do what?"

"Dazzle them like that — she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."

He seemed confused.

"Oh, come on," I said dubiously. "You have to know the effect you have on people."

He tilted his head to one side, and his eyes were curious. "I dazzle people?"

"You haven't noticed? Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?"

He ignored my questions. "Do I dazzle you?"

"Frequently," I admitted.

neutraltwin, you have all my love. As usual.


Voicing Bella

Let's face it, folks; I'm not Bella material. At all.

Granted, that would probably make the recordings much funnier (and faster to accomplish), but my accent is WAI TU WEIYURD AND FARNEE, and I have a feeling I sound too deep and old woman-ish for our lovely Sue. Samples and general voice clips will still be done by myself as Bella, for speed's sake, buuuuuut I am contemplating a person with a prettier voice to recite her lines for when we start doing proper recordings.

PERHAPS YOU, dotted?!?!?!?



What's up guys? I've spent the whole day pretty much slaving over the layout

and then ended up going to a community and filching a free layout

I was going for obnoxiously SPARKLY and colourful, but I think this is a pretty good choice. I nearly caved in and used a Katamari layout, egads

In any case, I also added some useful links for both fresh meat, as well as lurkers. They will provide you with hours of fun, I'm sure. :D

And a little IM hilarity!

[01:00] Hana: A fluid similar to the venom in their mouths works as a lubricant between the cells, which makes movement possible (note: this fluid is very flammable). A fluid similar to the same venom lubricates their eyes so that their eyes can move easily in their sockets. (However, they don't produce tears because tears exist to protect the eye from damage, and nothing is going to be able to scratch a vampire's eye.)
[01:00] Hana: L-lol I just imagined them like crusty zombies
[01:00] Hana: Who are half robots
[01:01] mount fiji: LMFAO

loltakes and extra stuff for you guys

neutraltwin and I Skype'd and babbled about what I just made him do. Summary? Pokémon was involved.

Transcript of loltakes 01

hanae0711: You shimmer like a radiant topaz!
neutraltwin: Yes, that's exactly what I shimmer like.
hanae0711: "You're intoxicated by my very presence," I mean, god! How did you recite that line without laughing out loud?
neutraltwin: Um. I don't know. It was ridiculous. That's actually in the book?
hanae0711: It's actually in the book.
neutraltwin: And look at that bit. There's this line, right?
hanae0711: Uh-huh?
neutraltwin: That goes:-
He didn't answer at first; he simply bent his face to mine, and brushed his lips slowly along my jaw, from my ear to my chin, back and forth. I trembled.

neutraltwin: That sounds like he's just rubbing his face on her.

hanae0711: He... He is a sparkly cat.
neutraltwin: Yes. That's exactly right.
hanae0711: Made of stone.
neutraltwin: Radiant topaz!
hanae0711: An unknown stone, which happens to be a radiant topaz! Or marble! Sometimes.
neutraltwin: Anything shiny.
hanae0711: Mmhmm. Maybe he's Meowth.


neutraltwin: Yes, that's the third book; Edward turns into a Pokémon.
hanae0711: Everything can be made better with Pokémon.
neutraltwin: Yeah. You can just see the, uh, whole amorous scenes. "Edward removed his pants, and the entire room lit up in his lumescent tumescence."
hanae0711: Oh, you don't know, I think in the book where they finally get married, it's like she becomes horny non-stop. It's like, "I want you, I want you more!" And never mind the fact that, you know, they're hunting for blood and stuff, and she just gave birth.
neutraltwin: ..... Nope.
hanae0711: And I think she- She gives birth after, what? Two months or something. Very, very short period of time. And...
neutraltwin: Yeah, that's- That's how long it takes for magical sparkly vampire babies to gestate.
hanae0711: You are wise in the ways of sparkly magical vampires. No wonder you're voicing one.
neutraltwin: Yes. Hopefully I'm Cedric Diggory enough for it.


Also, due to popular demand, here's his 'INTOXICATED' line! Have fun!


S-So hey.

Welcome to the...


It kind of stemmed from a conversation on IM where a friend was thinking about picking up Twilight and we linked her to the catalogue. Everything there was so hilarious, she asked if an audiobook existed because it would be the most incredible thing ever.

I told her I'd do it.

So, my friends and I will be audiobooking the more hilarious chapters of Twilight for now. As a test, neutraltwin and I did the very first and last bits of CHAPTER 13. CONFESSIONS.